Some times you meet people in life that remind you why it's not such a bad thing to be alone. Some people actually inspire loneliness, because to be lonely would be infinitely more beneficial than spending time with them. Mr. Good Time (his name choice, not mine) was one of these people. Thankfully, he blew it long before our first date, so I was spared the trauma of being subjected to his idiocy in person. We did have a couple of online conversations and I toyed with the idea of going out on a date with this guy. Then I remembered that I actually had better things to do. Like washing my hair, or brushing the neighbors hairless cat, or hand feeding sharks.
In my opinion, and let's face it that's all we have here ladies and gentlemen, anyone who goes around referring to themselves as "Mr. Good Time" better bloody have the goods to back that statement up. I call myself Miss Blonde- a reference to both my hair color and on the rare occasion, I will admit, my nature. I could call myself "Miss TOO GOOD FOR YOU, DUMB-ASS" but even that would be too subtle for most of these dick weeds to comprehend. So what exactly was Mr. Good Time's idea of a good time? Apparently, scrabble. Now, I like scrabble as much as most people but it doesn't really top the list in terms of "a good time." He did suggest we play for clothing items rather than your standard points system and I guess he thought adding the extra twist of naked scrabble is what constitutes a good time. Naked scrabble? On a first date? On any date? This is the best 'good time' you can come up with? One thinks that it might be time you invested in getting a life, because you are squandering this one away for sure.
Why do guys think that a woman is going to find it sexy if they pull out their ding dong and start stroking it on a first date? You do realize that it's kind of got the "last chicken in the Chinese restaurant store window" look, right? Actually sir, I don't really want to see you play with yourself while I try to make a seven letter word using only b, v and five o's.
Guys, there is a lesson to be learned here. Well there are multiple lessons:
Number one- don't give yourself a nickname that you can't live up to (and know your limitations guys, cause a name like "Mr. King of all Cocks," only sets the scene for definite disappointment.)
Number two- scrabble is a game of intelligence so you'd be better off sticking to something you know. Like burping the alphabet or grilling my steak.
Number three- treat a woman like a lady (yes, even the slutty ones!) It's just good manners and makes you endearing (which honestly, in a world full of dim wits and dick heads is an attribute you can't afford to not have.)
Number four- Keep it in your pants. If I want to see it, I'll let you know.
Touché!
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