Awkward

I am one of those people who find themselves in random situations on pretty much a daily basis. It could be because I'm the type of person that tends to let the winds of life blow me in one direction or another. Or it could be that I'm just too willing and available to go on what I term "grand adventures" which, especially where my dating life is concerned, quickly turn into steamy piles of shit. I don't know how I do it...I guess it's a gift? So I find myself caught up in awkward situations all the time and a majority of my dates tend to head in this direction. I guess this speaks more to my apparent inability to pick a decent date (although I prefer to go with the idea that it's not my inability but rather a lack of availability of decent men.)

Now, I want to assure you that not every dating adventure has led to disaster.
I have dated some fantastic guys just as much as I've dated some real duds. Some dates are mentionable only because they were so shockingly, and pathetically bad! And for all the awkward dates, I've also had many successful ones. But let's be honest- who wants to read about someones fantastic love life? It's way more fun to read about someones crappy experiences...either because you identify with it or, more to the point, you can ignore your own pitiful love life for a while and pretend that it's full of sugar plum fairies and chocolate covered rainbows. And awkward situations can be highly entertaining...especially when they are not happening to you!

So in the spirit of awkward situations, and doing your best to evade them, I present my personal top five tips to avoid an embarrassing date.

1) Don't date losers (this unfortunately is not as easy as it seems because losers can be disguised in almost any guise, including but not limited to; hotties, artists, doctors, musicians, computer analysts, investment bankers... )

2) Learn to speak with a heavy accent (that way when your date acts like the douche bag he is to the waiter, you can feign the ability to comprehend or speak English.)

3) If you suspect that you are on a date with a real dud go somewhere where nobody knows your name. Extra points if you are smart enough to not give out your real name to your date either.

4)Take a book, or an i pod and tune him/her out. (Truthfully, this is more than likely to incite an awkward moment than prevent one, but then at least you have something to see you through the awkwardness.)

5)Stay at home. This is a surefire cure to any awkward situation. If you avoid it, you won't experience it. Not dating at all has the added benefit that you won't have to deal with any dickheads at all.

What are your tips to reduce the awkward factor in your dating life? Feel free to post them here and maybe next time I'm out on a date I can incorporate them into my "Managing Trauma on a First Date Kit." Which reminds me...I'm all out of cyanide capsules, extra strength...